Not over you…

Jimin stood on stage in the small club. His hand caressing the mic in front of him as he crooned out his bands newest song. A large group of girls stood squealing at the front of the stage. He smiled at them and winked at a few, knowing that a little fan service would keep them interested. But there was only one girl he was interested in.

He had first noticed her three weeks ago. She had stood at the back of the club, sipping on a beer, her eyes focused on the stage as they performed. He had tried to make eye contact with her, to encourage her to come closer to the stage. But maybe it was the distance, or something else entirely, but he didn’t seem to have the same effect over her as he did over most females. She seemed more than content to watch them from afar.


She always seemed to disappear as soon as their set finished. He would jump from the stage, the security stopping his fangirls from tearing him apart and no matter how hard he searched, she was never anywhere to be found. The only evidence that she had been there at all, her empty beer bottle and the memory of the red haired girl burned into his mind.


After almost a month of this, he was getting really frustrated. There was something about her that drew him to her, but he never got the chance to even learn her name. He wasn’t even entirely sure what she looked like because she hid in the darkest corner of the club. She never talked to anyone, and she always came alone. He hoped she was also leaving alone.


The time came for his band to perform. They completed their final checks on their equipment and introduced themselves, even though everyone already knew who they were. His eyes instantly landed on her. She was in her usual spot at the back, a beer in hand as she stared intently at the stage, her face half hidden in shadows. He smirked as the heavy beat of the first song kicked in. Even distracted by her, he didn’t miss a beat and started singing.


He was determined that tonight would be the night he would finally talk to his mysterious red-headed admirer. Tonight, he wouldn’t give her the chance to escape. As soon as their set finished, he jumped off stage and headed for the back door, grabbing his leather jacket on his way. He rushed around the building to the main road, his head whipping left and right until he caught sight of her short, bright, red hair at the end of the road.


A smirk formed on his lips as he rushed after her. She had just turned round the corner when he caught up with her. “Hey.” He called. She turned around and he stopped dead in his tracks. She gave him shocked look which mirrored his own. He took a step back, not able to fully grasp the situation in front of him. “W-What are you doing here?” he asked, his eyes taking in her appearance. She had changed a lot since the last time he had seen her. Her hair had been a light brown colour and halfway down her back, her clothes less edgy, and her eyes gentler. The girl in front of him now was not the same girl from three years ago.


“Just enjoying some music before heading home.” She said with a shrug, hoping to sound nonchalant. “Bullshit.” He said, “You knew that was me on stage, didn’t you?” he said, challenging her to lie. She held his gaze, her hands subconsciously curling into fists. “I didn’t the first time. It was just a coincidence.” He snorted, “Then every time after that?” he questioned. She bit her bottom lip, her gaze dropping slightly, unable to look at the harsh expression on his face. “I missed you.” She admitted quietly, her voice betraying her.


“You’re the one that broke up with me, Jess. You don’t get to say that you missed me.” He said harshly, his anger that he’d held inside for three years flying out of his mouth, coating his words with venom. She flinched as if he’d physically struck her. She bit her bottom lip again as she tried to compose herself. She took a deep breath and looked up at him, her heart feeling like it was being ripped out of her chest. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I’ll go. You won’t see me again.” she turned to leave but Jimin reached out and grabbed her arm.


She froze at the feeling of his hand wrapped around her bicep. His grip was just a little too tight to be comfortable. She tried to push his hand off but he pulled her back, spinning her around to face him. She looked into his eyes and was surprised by the intensity she saw there. Her words died in her throat as he glared down at her. His chest was heaving as he tried to reign in his emotions. “You think you can just turn up here, after all this time, and then just turn around and disappear again?” he said, his voice dangerously low.


“You weren’t supposed to recognise me.” She said weakly. “I wasn’t even supposed to go back there after the first time I saw you there.” He swore loudly, his hand still wrapped around her arm. “Christ Jess. I don’t even know what to say…” he said, his mind racing as he tried to put everything together in his head. “You don’t need to say anything. I know what I did to you was awful, I’ve never expected your forgiveness.” He glared down at her. “Why? Can you at least tell me why you left me like that?” he asked, his voice hoarse from the raw emotions that spilled from him.


She bit her lip again. “It wouldn’t change anything. What happened, happened. We can’t change the past.” He fixed her with a hard stare before pulling her back the way they had come. “Jimin, what are you doing? Let go of me!” she yelled, trying to pull herself out of his grasp. “No. You are going to sit down and explain what happened back then. You owe me at least that much.” Guilt washed over her as she allowed herself to be pulled behind him.


He stopped next to a red car and opened the passenger door for her. She got in without a word and pulled on her seatbelt. He got into the driver’s seat and sped off without a word. Not a single word was exchanged as he drove them towards his home. He stopped outside of a modest apartment building, motioning her to follow him. He led her up to his floor and unlocked the door, letting her enter first. He led her to the living room before disappearing into the kitchen. Leaving her to wring her fingers with nerves as she looked around the living room. It was a different apartment from the one he had lived in before, she wondered if she was the reason he had moved.


He reappeared a few minutes later, two mugs in his hands. He put them down on the coffee table before sitting on the floor, his legs and arms crossed. “You still like ginger tea, right?” he asked, not making eye contact with her. Before they had started dating, he had never tried ginger tea, but after being with her for so long and constantly having it in her apartment, it had become his favourite drink, even after they had broken up.


She nodded and sat opposite him, lifting the mug with her cold hands. She took a tentative sip, enjoying the spicy scent of the ginger. She had only started drinking ginger tea after she had found out it was good for the throat and because she worried about Jimin, she had started drinking it so that she could encourage him to drink with her so that he could sing without any problems.


He watched her as she drank the tea. He noticed how much paler and skinner she had become. She really did look like a completely different person. Worry started to fill him and he did his best to crush the feeling before it consumed his anger. He had spent countless nights lying awake, wondering what he had done wrong to make her break up with him so unexpectedly. They had been so happy, or so he had thought. He had even been saving up money to buy her an engagement ring. Breaking up had been the furthest thing from his mind.


After almost ten minutes of silence he cleared his throat. She jumped slightly, as if she had forgotten that he was there. She put down her mug, her gaze firmly fixed on the table top. “So, what happened? Why did you break up with me without any sort of explanation? And don’t say that it doesn’t matter. It does matter. If it was something I said or done…?”


“No!” she said looking up at him in horror. “Jimin, why would you think that? You didn’t do anything wrong!” she said, horrified that he thought that he had done something to cause their breakup. “What else was I supposed to think, Jess? You just left a note on the dresser and you were gone when I woke up. You had cleared your things out my apartment and you were just gone.” He said, his voice hoarse as a lump formed in his throat. “Do you have any idea what I went through?” he asked, his hands clenching the material of his jeans like his life depended on it.


A small sob escaped her. Jimin longed to reach out and hug her, even though he had been hurting for the past three years, despite how much he told himself it wasn’t true, he still loved her. She had been his first girlfriend, and if he was honest, his only girlfriend, he had never been able to date anyone seriously since her. Every girl he had attempted to date never compared to her.


“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” She repeated. “Then tell me why.” He said, the anger having drained slightly from his voice. She sniffled a few times, wiping away her tears with her sleeve. “I was sick.” She said quietly. His jaw dropped at her words. He had not been expecting that. “Sick?” he questioned, moving to rest on his knees, the feeling of worry growing within him. She nodded, “Leukaemia.” She said, her voice almost a whisper. He felt like he had been punched in the chest, the words feeling like they had a physical effect on his body. A million thoughts raced through his mind. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, hurt clear in his voice.


“Do you know the survival rates for leukaemia? Do you know what the treatments are like? They were hell!” she shouted, her voice steadily rising as she spoke. “I didn’t want to drag you through that shit show.” He slammed his hand down on the coffee table. “I was your boyfriend! If you couldn’t drag me through it with you, who could you drag through it?!” he yelled. A sudden thought hit him, “Who was with you through all this?” he asked, knowing that her parents had died when she was a teenager. “Don’t tell me you went through all that alone?” he asked, his anger all but faded, replaced by guilt, worry and concern.


She nodded, just the tiniest movement of her head. “You idiot.” He said, no venom behind his words. “You went through all that alone.” He said as he ran his hand through his hair, tugging at the dark strands. “I thought it was the best thing to do. I didn’t want you to have to suffer through that with me.” He stared at her as he tried to process everything he had just heard. He imagined her, alone in the hospital with no one there to hold her hand. No one there to give her words of encouragement when it was getting too much for her. No one there to hug her and tell her that they loved her.


His anger completely disappeared as he leant over the coffee table, his hand slipping behind her head as he pressed his lips against hers in a desperate kiss. She gasped at his sudden action and he took the opportunity to thrust his tongue into her mouth. He groaned at her familiar taste, her lips still as soft and responsive as he remembered. His tongue explored every inch of her mouth before nipping on her bottom lip like he knew she loved. “Jimin…” she said breathlessly against his lips as she feebly tried to push him away. He only held her closer, wanting her to feel how much he had missed her.


Only when he became dizzy from the lack of oxygen did he release her. Their faces only inches apart as their chests heaved, desperate to pull air back into their lungs. “I missed you so fucking much.” He said as he pressed a quick kiss to her mouth. “I looked for you for ages.” Another kiss. “I hoped it was all a joke.”


“A nightmare.”





“I never imagined that it would be like this.” He said, his hand still tangled in the hair at the nape of her neck, as if he dared remove his hand she would disappear from his life again. “I never stopped loving you. No matter how much I tried. Part of me wanted to hate you for disappearing. A small part of me did, but the part that still loved you was stronger.”


Tears slipped down her cheeks as he spoke, releasing his pent up emotions that he had never shared with anyone else. “I was a wreck when you left.” He admitted. “But now, I feel guilty. I thought I was having a hard time but you…” he trailed off, barely able to imagine how she had felt when she had left him.


“I regretted it. Every single day I regretted my choice. But I knew I couldn’t go back to you. I didn’t want to burden you with my struggles. There was no guarantee I would get better. And the treatments themselves… I know how kind hearted you are, you would have volunteered to spend all your time with me. You would have wasted too much of your life to look after me.”


“It wouldn’t have been wasted!” he said, his eyes once again pinning her in place. “Don’t you understand? I would have went through anything with you… I still would.” He said, his hand moving to caress her cheek, wiping away her tears as he tried to stop his own from falling. “How can you still have feelings for me? After everything I put you through?” she asked, her voice shaky. He smiled at her, the simple action harder than he ever thought possible, “Because I love you. I always have, and I always will.”


She let out a sob and launched herself onto the coffee table to hug him, their mugs toppling to the ground. He wrapped his arms around her, sliding her off of the table and onto his lap as he once again captured her lips with his own. Tears streamed down her face as they kissed, a few stray tears falling from his eyes as well. Once they were completely breathless, they separated. “Never leave me again Jess. Promise me.” He begged. She nodded, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “I promise you Jimin. I’ll never leave you again.”


They talked late into the night, catching up on everything they had missed during their separation. When the sky started to lighten outside they finally decided to sleep, Jimin refusing to let her leave as he pulled her into his bedroom. He gave her some clothes to wear before they curled up on his single mattress, pressed against each other so that they wouldn’t fall off. He pressed kisses to her lips and face as if trying to make up for all the kisses they had missed out on during their separation.


When he woke up the next morning he rolled over, his eyes shooting open when he realised he was alone. He looked around the room desperately, panic filling him. “No, no, no… not again.” he said, his voice barely a whisper as fear clutched at his throat. He swung his legs out of bed and rushed to the bedroom door. He threw it open and crashed right into Jess sending her to the ground. He dropped to his knees in front of her and pulled her into a bone crushing hug.


“Jimin? What’s wrong?” she asked as she pushed him off, his tight hug making it hard to breathe. “I thought you left me again.” he said again, his voice rough from sleep and emotion. She bit her lip, feeling guilty for worrying him. She wrapped her arms around him, letting him embrace her as tightly as he could. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. But I promised you I wouldn’t leave and I intend to keep that promise.”


He pulled away from her, just enough so that he could look at her face, his hand rising to cup her cheek. “I fully intend to make sure you keep that promise. I won’t let you go again.” She smiled at him as he once again pressed his lips to hers, thankful that he had once again found the love of his life.



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